There's a friend that I have... his name is Dalit (I'm really not shy when it comes to posting names...).
I value my friendship with him, like how I value the friendship that I have with all of my friends.
Lately, when I try to talk to him, he doesn't say much....
And I feel like we haven't really talked in a week. Actually, we haven't had a nice conversation in about........ maybe 2 weeks?
I saw him last Saturday since we had a test that day, but we didn't talk much. He didn't really say much to me and I was the one who had to initiate the conversation and break all of the awkward silences. And I'm quite terrible at that too........
It's been bothering me for quite some time now, but I let it slide because I had a butt load of things to do (Math Club drama, schoolwork, work, family, regular responsibilities, etc). I tried striking a conversation with him on Friday. I simply said, "Hi Dalit!"
He didn't respond, but I didn't pay much attention to it since I thought he was busy (and I was at work doing work things for once...).
One of the students that I'm somewhat close to came in and saw that I was on chat. He started typing to Dalit and I was going to text Dalit to tell him that one of my students is talking to him, but I stopped because the student said that he told Dalit that I was going to text him. He also told Dalit that I'm lesbian, so I just went with it when the student left by saying, "You already knew I was lesbian anyway...." since Dalit told two of his friends that I was (and to clarify, I am not lesbian....).
And after my student left and I said that little tidbit, Dalit said, "Cool." I asked him what he was doing and he said he was talking to his cousins, so I left him alone.
But that conversation was bothering me the whole day. Hypothetically speaking, let's say that I actually did type that I was a lesbian and I actually came out of the closet. Would he just respond the same way that he did? Probably......... because I told him after he said, "Cool," that my student typed everything.
And not only that, but a couple of days ago (I think it was the Saturday that we saw each other...), I told him I almost fell out of my chair. His response? "Nice."
So last night while I was lying in bed, I grabbed my phone and asked him if something was wrong. He said that nothing was and asked if there should be. I went on to say that I felt like we were drifting apart and that our conversations were "Blah." He responded, "... To be honest, I'm kinda getting tired of our convos and I'd rather do other things. But its nothing to be worried about. This happens with everybody that I have excessive contact with. it just seems like we always talk about the same things... Sorry if I upset you..."
I told him that it was fine and that I valued his honesty. He asked if we were "good," and I said, "Sure."
But in all honesty, we're not. I'm not "good" about what he just said. I'm a bit upset and offended.
Why? Because the same crap happened between Macken and I.
Things were going swell. And suddenly, he stopped talking to me. He gave me one word answers and sometimes wouldn't even answer me when I asked him questions. And when my grandpa passed away, he never checked on my well being. He knew that I was upset about it. I remember I just sat in his office once and put my head down on one of the desks. He didn't say anything; didn't ask anything. And that was just days after my grandpa's death. And the whole thing about him being there for me when I needed someone to talk to......... he never was. Although people told me that Macken seemed like a jerk, I said otherwise. I said, "No. He's actually a nice guy when it comes down to it... he's a good guy."
I stood up for him even though his actions were making me sad. Because I believed he was my friend. I believed that he valued our friendship as much as I valued it. Obviously I was wrong because nowadays, we're not even talking. We greet each other when we see each other, but that's almost about it. He still doesn't answer my questions like, "Hey. How many people signed up for the Integration Bee so far?" and this wasn't some offline message or something that was completely ridiculous. He was online and never answered. I left my computer on for the night, but got no reply in the morning. I got no text from him and when we saw each other, he said nothing. I also called him that day to tell him a message about the Integration Bee. He never called me back or texted me to ask what I said in the message, but he did ask me what I said when he saw me..... /end tangent
If the friendship I have with Dalit is anything like the one I had with Macken, then we're going to end like that. I gave Macken his space once before, but that just made us drift more apart. And here's something pretty ironic. One of my friends said that Dalit is just a "jerk" sometimes, and I said, "No he's not. He's a nice guy."
Things like to repeat themselves a lot......
But I'm honestly hoping that my friendship with Dalit doesn't end like how my friendship with Macken did.........
