Can't. Concentrate.

I have a paper due tomorrow and I got a two week extension too. I still don't want to do it and the harder I try to think about it, the easier my mind drifts off, so I think I'll just write a serious blog for once.

I feel like.... I don't know. Confused? A bit sad? More confused? Like I'm missing something? I think I want someone in my life.... someone who can be right next to me when I have my highs and lows. I mean I have my best friend, Kevin, but he's too far and sometimes it's better to have someone here that I can hang out with. Someone who will just be there to make me smile or laugh when I'm about to cry (even though Kevin just recently told me he doesn't know what to do when someone cries, but I don't really like crying in front of people anyway...). Someone to hold. Someone who would be my reason to wake up in the morning. To keep breathing.
That would all be nice, but right now I still think I'm too young for any of this. Is it weird that I think that, but still want one? I guess I just feel a big hole of emptiness now (whenever I'm not talking to Kevin... or one of my other friends, but usually Kevin) and I want someone to fill it, but I don't want to feel needy. Or clingy. I don't want to feel any of these... especially love.

I think love has been bringing me down a whole lot. Just to be in it and feeling like I'll never be good enough for anyone is enough to make me cry. I'm so tired of clinging on to moments that have happened ages ago.
It just wears me down.
It just makes me want to cry a little.

I think I miss Omar a whole lot more than I want to talk to the new guy. Sometimes I just miss him and his weird way of showing that he cared for me by pulling away. I think the both of us were just scared something were to happen which, of course, caused the pulling and the slight drifting. Maybe that's just me making up reasons just to defend him and how someone always says she wants to punch him in the face.

Argh. I think I might be going insane because of these two... one things for sure though. I don't feel the same about Omar as I use to. I think I'm just more worried about his well being more than anything else. I think I just want to protect him and to be able to make him smile, but more as friends than anything else. (Maybe it's the distance that's making me say all these things...)