What's been going on??

I don't even know anymore.

I'm happy during the day, but at night, it slowly fades away and becomes sadness.

Something in the back of my mind is making me sad. I don't know what it is, but it's something.

I dislike the fact that Kevin is always busy working. I wish I could talk to him about it, but I always forget or I don't want to bother him with it.

Macken hasn't been talking to me much, but he's probably busy partying and such.

Tony's been working too much.

Jessica's at Stanford.

Beth's busy and has her own things to worry about.

I think I just need some sleep. Some more sleep. I like sleep.
Being at home gets me more tired than it actually should.
I wish I could see This Century in concert this summer.
They always make me feel better.
Tomorrow is the last day of summer school.
Tomorrow I won't see the people I've had class for six weeks with. It's kind of bitter sweet. I thought one of them was kind of cute. Funny thing is that his name is Tony.

Blah. Thoughts are all over the place. I guess this is my first "real" blog in awhile.
I have a bunch of things to say, but no way of saying them. That always seems to happen to me.

I want to visit Omar sometime soon, but I don't think we have any common ground. We're just.... too different.

Tattoos.

I said I'd post them soon, so here are my tattoo ideas:

The first one says, "I wanna see everything under the sun."

The second one says, "I can be free from everything and be so much more."

They are horribly drawn, but these are just a rough idea of how I want them to look. Hopefully the tattoo artist is 12019489328759287x better at drawing and has a more creative mind than me.

Also, something bad about the second tattoo idea is that there is another person with a very similar tattoo. Same-ish line and everything! Her's looks waaaay better though. :)


I'm going to wait until I graduate from college to get one, but if you want, feel free to voice your opinions. :)

Scared.

I keep thinking of my friend Justin Garza. He's such a sweet guy. Funny, sweet, and good looking.

He is in a wonderful relationship with someone that he truly loves.
I mean they are just one or two months into their relationship, but the pictures he posts of them and the, "This is what I'm missing while I'm on tour," captions make me feel jealous I guess. Not of her, of course, but of their relationship.


Maybe it's first being in the "honeymoon" phase or maybe it's some other greater power controlling them. Whatever it is, I know that they have something good. They have something great and if it lasts or not, they will always have that something great with that other person. They will always have those good times.

I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but if it doesn't, then oh well.

Anyways. Back to... whatever the subject is.
I'm scared.
Why?
Because I've never had that feeling where I actually wanted to be in a relationship with someone except once in my life and that feeling only lasted two or so months (well he had a girlfriend, so......).
I'm afraid that I will never find someone just for me.

I'm also afraid that I am looking/wanting someone so badly to be "my boyfriend" that I'm starting to like Macken.
Rebound? Maybe.
It's just that.... he's always there for me and he makes me smile... sometimes.

He's the only guy, other than Kevin and Joel, that I turn to when I need someone to talk to.
Geez. I hope I don't like him.

A part of me doesn't want to go back to school...

Thinking about next semester feels so overwhelming.

Twice a week, I will have classes from 8:30am to 5:45pm. The two other days will be from 9:00am to 1:15pm.

Eighteen units, one math class, two science classes, English, and a communication class.

This is how much I'm suppose to be taking for the next six semesters of school.

How will I survive? I have no idea.

I just want to travel the world and live life, but then everyday would be like summer and I do nothing over the summer.


In other news, I feel like I really really really want a tattoo. I've been thinking of it for a long time, but recently it's been in the back of my head telling me to go do it now. I decided to get one after I graduate from college to see if I still want it. Hopefully the idea doesn't continue to eat away and overtake my mind.

I have two ideas of what I want and both are song lyrics.
I've already drew [bad] pictures of them, and both are kind of good in a way.
Maybe if some color and shading were added...
I should draw a rough sketch on some real paper some day soon and post it up. Maybe get some feedback? Please??

Why have I been feeling so glum lately??

This song is catchy!

Anything But Love by The Season Premiere
Gonna see them on July 9th. WHOOO! :p