Scared.

I keep thinking of my friend Justin Garza. He's such a sweet guy. Funny, sweet, and good looking.

He is in a wonderful relationship with someone that he truly loves.
I mean they are just one or two months into their relationship, but the pictures he posts of them and the, "This is what I'm missing while I'm on tour," captions make me feel jealous I guess. Not of her, of course, but of their relationship.


Maybe it's first being in the "honeymoon" phase or maybe it's some other greater power controlling them. Whatever it is, I know that they have something good. They have something great and if it lasts or not, they will always have that something great with that other person. They will always have those good times.

I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but if it doesn't, then oh well.

Anyways. Back to... whatever the subject is.
I'm scared.
Why?
Because I've never had that feeling where I actually wanted to be in a relationship with someone except once in my life and that feeling only lasted two or so months (well he had a girlfriend, so......).
I'm afraid that I will never find someone just for me.

I'm also afraid that I am looking/wanting someone so badly to be "my boyfriend" that I'm starting to like Macken.
Rebound? Maybe.
It's just that.... he's always there for me and he makes me smile... sometimes.

He's the only guy, other than Kevin and Joel, that I turn to when I need someone to talk to.
Geez. I hope I don't like him.