I worry that I care more about my dogs than I do my family....

But then I remember that my dogs ARE my family.

He made me cry today.

He did something that someone did to me once. The way he said it.... it just got to me. I tried to shove it off, but I couldn't. It hurt.

And to add more displeasure to all of this, I had a bad case of -bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-

It's like we're not even friends. I talk and he just keeps everything a secret. I hate it. That's not even a real friendship. It's a one sided piece of bull poop.

And lately I've been feeling horrible.
My mind has been scattered.
I haven't been sleeping well, though this may be because of my dogs.
I had a headache for 2 days and with every movement of my head, I would feel a throbbing pain.
I haven't been eating much. Only one meal, maybe two, meals a day. Both of which are light... or light and then heavy-ish.
I had back pains for 3 or 4 days.


I'm just starting to feel..... horrible.
Something's wrong with me.... I just don't know what. It's scaring me... a lot.

I NEED TO BLOG!!!!...

For my English class.
My English 1B professor wants the whole class to create a blogger for themselves.
I was thinking of making a completely different blog that won't be connected with this one, but I think I'll just make this private and then make another blog thing........
Anyhoot, just filling everyone in on this. I promise I won't post anything on this one while it's on private. :)

Also falling for Math Club Guy again. I hate it....

Well that didn't last very long.

We just said a couple of words and that's it.

For some reason....

I've been having trouble getting out of bed.
I keep thinking of things that don't really matter.
Macken just responded to my IM right now.

I feel like I'm just thinking of the past, but the past is the past. Sure, it has shaped me into the person I am today, but it is in the past.
Why have I been so caught up in it lately?

It's funny....

My high school crush just recently posted on Facebook that he is in a relationship.
How did this make me feel?

Indifferent. Then sad.

Sad because of the indifference I felt. He used to mean everything to me (well almost everything...) and now he barely means a thing to me.
Sad isn't it? How feelings that I had for two years just disappeared in one month? How we used to see each other everyday to hardly seeing each other at all?
How I used to chase every moment I could get with him down to barely caring about seeing him?

It's just strange how I felt nothing. So strange that I cried over it. This is the second time he made me cry. Ha. I really do cry too easily, but anyhoot.

It breaks my heart to know that I don't care about him like I use to. And it breaks my heart even more to know that we hardly speak anymore. The connection between me and him is lost. We'll never be the same again. Funny how I had a feeling it would turn out like this.

Crazy

This happened yesterday:



What picture exactly? The one I drew about 4 years ago and never finished.


But anyways. You're probably wondering who Brian Lee is. He's the guy in the middle. I had kind of a huge crush on him back in 10th grade, and I'm at a loss of words thinking that he's using this horribly drawn picture of himself as his Facebook profile picture.
Kind of embarrassing too...

It makes me want to finish it now.... maybe later.... when I have time.