Today was a good day.

Recap of the week:
Sunday was a blur.

Monday was meh. Had work and school then I went home. Also found out that my grandpa passed away at 5 a.m, but I kind of already said that... that day I didn't want to talk to anyone.

Tuesday went to lunch with a friend. He thought I was mad at him because I didn't hug him (but I didn't feel like giving one, he was sick, and I didn't really notice the gesture) and I didn't want him to walk me to Math Club. Oh. And I was also quiet most of the time. My parents had an argument that night. It was rather stupid. I tried to break it up, but my mom wouldn't listen. Luckily, my dad did, but that was after I started crying a whole bunch. I tried calling Macken, but he didn't pick up which was probably a good thing since I was a literal mess.

Wednesday wasn't any better. The anger and sorrow carried on. I felt like crap that morning. I felt like breaking down in tears, punching walls, screaming, etc etc. I also got my AAS 33B midterm back and I did pretty bleh on it. So now I have to buy Sunny and Tony lunch. Anywho. Later that day I visited Professor Do and I told him that lately I haven't been able to focus. He asked why and I just choked up. I told him about my grandpa and everything that has basically happened over the past three years. He made me feel a little better. Oh. And my mom told me that Monday is the day of the burial.... and apparently funerals last three days. Macken told me something about him and... well it was strange, but nice. I always like learning more about people. It's always.... nice. Speaking of nice, Macken and I had a nice conversation that night. Oh.... and I also left him a crappy thank you note and some delicious peanut butter cookies for him in his classroom/workshop.

Thursday/Today was actually a good day. Woke up to a call from Kevin (the Jersey one) and talked for a bit. I skipped my English class since I didn't finish the essay and today we were going to have a workshop which is basically when we peer edit other people's essay. I stayed in Math Club and tried to work on my paper, but I ended up playing the Pokemon game my friend programmed. Also, I was tezting Tony that morning because I asked him to do me a favor the previous night. The favor was to turn in my paper on Monday since I wouldn't be there and he asked why. I texted him the answer and he later comes into Math Club and asks me why I'm not coming on Monday. I told him to read the text because I didn't want to say it. When he read it, all he said was: "Ah. I gotcha." It wasn't what I expected. Maybe it's because I used shifty eyes or something, but it just wasn't what I thought he would say or do. I guess I liked Macken's response a lot more. I mean.... sorry doesn't mean or feel like much when you lose someone, but it's enough to let someone know that you care.
Oh yeah. And Macken also offered to be a "shoulder to cry on" in a way. He said that if I needed to talk to anyone, I could talk to him. It was a nice gesture...
Anyways. Tony and his girlfriend are cute together...... just a random thought. And I took the president of Math Club's phone and updated his status twice for laughs and giggles. I didn't put anything bad, just what he was doing which was playing chess with Tony and a less than three. He said that it was gay because he doesn't use emotiocons like Tony who texts/types like a girl. Tony said, "I don't text like a girl!!" and his girlfriend said, "No comment," which made me laugh. Math Club president's phone was weird and didn't let him delete it, so he had to get his laptop and delete both of them. After that I went to Macken's office hours.
We hung out for a while... kinda. Well he was writing his lecture and I was there looking at it. I also fixed his lead pencil..... and then I started reading for my paper. He offered me a green apple, and I declined. Later I ate it and stuck the sticker on Macken's back. Then we kept trying to stick the sticker on each other. Apparently he put it in my hair, but I guess it fell out or something because we never saw it again......
Another thing I realized today was that my friends are the best. They are there for me no matter what.
I could go on about my day, but I'm getting kind of lazy and I feel bad for knocking Tenshi's head off my forearm every time she puts it down because I can't type well with it one my forearm....

That sentence was wordy. Okays. Time to do something. I should do Discrete homework tomorrow since I'll be busy all weekend..... I also need to find a way to add my paper in....

My grandpa and a really really cute baby.

It sucks when...

You really really want to talk to someone, but you don't want to be a burden.

Or when you don't have anything to say...

Gah. I feel like crap.

p.s. If anyone was wondering, my grandpa passed away yesterday morning at 5.

I just need a moment to remember this is all real.

My grandpa choked on a banana today... and now he's in the hospital.

The doctor said he won't make it through the night.
But my grandpa has proven the doctor wrong once.... sadly, I'm hoping he is right this time around.

I don't want my grandpa to suffer any longer. Whenever he coughs, you can hear that he is struggling to just get it out.
He hardly moves. He stays in one place for the whole day.
He hardly eats and it's no wonder that he is malnourished.

As insensitive as this sounds, I'm just really hoping that he will find peace.

We were never close, but I can just hope for that, right? Why let someone live if they are going to just suffer more?

There would be no point in that...

I'm hoping he will go peacefully.

The funny part of all of this is that life goes on.
The friends who don't know what happened talk to me as they use to.
I will still have to go to school and do all of my homework assignments.

Life goes on after someone passes away. The world will continue to revolve around the sun. There will always be 365 days (or 366 in a leap year) in a year.

Sure, there will be some mourning and grief, but after that, we learn to cope with it. We learn to occupy ourselves with something else. Something that will ease our pain.

I'm done ranting. If you're wondering how I feel, then the answer is sick. I almost puked in the ER because the doctor said that you only see people as malnourished as my grandpa in pictures of prisoners. The whole thought of that and being in a hospital and thinking of blood made me want to vomit. It also gave me a pounding headache.

But anyways. Everything will be alright. Everything will go back to "normal."

Fo rizzle

So I said I was going to post a blog after I get some rest..... two days ago.

Well... I forgot what I was going to write about.


My friend's are amazing.
My family is kind.
School is bleh, but still awesome.

Life's good.

Everywhere Everything

Just took my second midterm for Discrete Math and my brain is fried. Burnt out. Dead.

Since I got home (around 4), I have forgotten everything I wanted to do.
Yeah. That bad. Half my chats are going like this, "Meh. Eh. Huh?"
Yeah. I'm so dead right now. Hahahaha.

Speaking of which, I got a call today! Well three calls from different people, but I'll talk about the most recent one.

Sean Silverman from This Century called. He's a sweetheart. And he called us friends. Daaaw. That's about it. There's really nothing else to add to that...... well except that everyone should listen to This Century's new song "Everywhere Everything" here! It's so amazing. I keep listening to it over and over and over again, and when I'm not listening to it, then it's playing in my head.

I think I should write another blog after I recharge. I feel like I'm going to pass out soon.

Sound of Fire! :)

Ack! Sound of Fire is out today! So awesome.
So if anyone has an iTunes gift card and don't know what to buy, go buy This Century's album on iTunes nooooow!

Procrastination.

A strong force that takes over your mind and makes you not want to do what you need/should do.

I have a paper due in two days, and I haven't started on it.

In other news, This Century's album sounds like it will be amazing. I was listening to the teaser yesterday, and I literally had chills. Yeah. It's that good.

Oh. And my birthday is coming up. I'm not excited as I should be.
My cousins are taking me out to dinner, which is good, but lame because I don't have ANYTHING to give either of them. Cookies are always a lame gift.... even if they're good.

Something is wrong with me.

Whenever I don't want to be a bother, I always end up being one.
Whenever I don't want to procrastinate, I do anyway.

I need to remember to focus. I hate it when I lose sight of what I really want.
I hate wishing that I should have done more.

I'm just so annoyed with myself sometimes... I just get so short tempered with others sometimes.




"A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered." -Proverbs 17:27

This Century = Love

People always get bothered when I post about This Century a lot, but I don't think they realize how much of a positive impact they, especially Joel, have had on me.
Without This Century in my life, I wouldn't be half the person I am today. They are what keeps me believing. :)

Over you.

But I constantly still think of you.
So how can I honestly say that I am over you?

These thoughts are like the remnants of a disease
That I can't shake.
I feel nothing,
But it still lingers in my head.

Maybe these thoughts are nothing though
Because, after all, I am only thinking
Of the moments we shared together.
Not what could have been, but what has been.

So am I over you or am I not?

I will just say I am
Because when I do, I feel like a lighter, happier me.

3 years in the making.

This day three years ago at 5:28 pm (PDT), I became married to a song called "Your Song" by a band name Made In Hollywood. That was...... one of the happiest days of my life.

It all started on April 1st, the day after spring break of my sophomore year. My friend told me he tried to order this shirt by MiH, but it never came and it charged his dad's card. I had to pay him back, which made sense, but sucked because I wanted that shirt. I told the band, and well.... the singer gave me a demo of their new song to make it up to me.
http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
It was the most amazing song I had ever heard, and I loved it enough to marry it. Then..... Brain, the lead singer, joked and said, "I now pronounce you SONG and wife."

And that's our story. No real church wedding. No ring. Nothing.
And I'm happy for that because no material thing should represent love. Not even a simple ring.

But don't get me wrong. I would (and do) want a ring when I get married in the future.

I love you honey. :) <3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9OXPtWwfFo

Words

Words are people's way of communicating their feelings.
Through words we are able to come to an understanding of some sort of what the other is feeling, thinking, or doing.
Words are joyous, but words are also painful and sometimes even full of sorrow.

Nonetheless, we need words to try to understand one another.
Without words, or language, then what good are we?

Whether we use numbers to make up words, sounds to make up a language, or letters to spell out a word, we need words and language.

Silence is golden, but so is communication; people just need to know when to use one and not the other.

So speak out. Let someone listen to your woes. They may judge, but that's not the worst thing they can do.

Words are our friends, and like our friends, we have to choose them wisely.
8 7 14 15 4 24 14 20 2 0 13 14 15 4 13 20 15 19 14 12 4 18 14 12 4 3 0 24.

Sometimes I wish this was all a bad dream

A bad dream that I'll eventually wake up from.

But I guess it's time for me to face reality. I can't wait for you.
I don't meet your standards, and I don't even know if I have any standards for you to meet.

Time to open my eyes and face the truth, right?

And didn't I say I would get over you a couple of posts ago?

Man... gotta stop back tracking.

Ah...

My heart hurts every time I think of you.
My heart slows its beat when I see you and her.

Can I really do this? Because the last time I tried to get over someone, it didn't work out for me. I just fell for them harder instead of getting over them. Only physical distance made me stop liking them....

Maybe if I put my mind to it I'll be able to do it.... maybe...... I just can't seem to focus on it though.

People tell me to focus on one of your flaws to make me stop liking you, but everyone is made up of flaws and to base someone off of that one flaw is just ridiculous.

I really need to get over you... somehow...

Belinda stop complaining and go to sleep!!
Sorry....... speaking of distance, I need to stop talking to John so much. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I already have...... or give him the idea that he has a chance with me cause honestly, I only see him as a friend.