Happy.

I saw you today... working.
Brandy was with me and she said, "Watch. I bet you he's going to smile."
I responded by saying, "That's part of his job though!" and she said that you're not smiling right now. And then I hid behind her out of my timidness.

My heart kept beating faster than normal... faster than it would when I was near you in high school. It's funny how time and distance does that to you.

I felt the blood rush to my face causing my cheeks to burn.
We were getting closer to you. I was getting closer to you.

We finally got to you and you.... smiled.

I noticed you put your plugs back in... and there was a reddish tint in your cheeks or maybe that was my imagination, but if it wasn't, then you were probably just embarrassed. (Yes. I still will not believe that you and I will ever be.)
Anyways. As you were checking out our candles, you mumbled, "Oh my gosh... you guys found out where I worked. I still sell drugs though..."
I laughed and told you to get me some adderall to help me focus on homework. You gave me that cute little confused look of yours... and I was too distracted to pay any attention to paying for the candles. I probably held up the line, but I didn't care. I was too happy because I finally got to see you... and you smiled... at me.

I never thought a simple gesture could make me fill with such bliss.

Word.

19 days!

I really hope I get to see you Joel David Kanitz, Sean Nevin Silverman, Alex Something Silverman, Ryan SomethingIForgot Gose in SF.

Please let me see you guys. I want nothing else but to see you live one more time. You four are great friends.... even though I mainly talk to Joel... but stiiiiill. You're all wonderful.

Breathless

As I chase after you, I stumble
And you laugh not acting humble.
I try to tell you to stop, but my words jumble
And come out a big mess.
I must confess
That you are like a game of chess.
You are hard to figure out
Making me doubt
That I know what you’re about.
All of my attempts to communicate
End in failure because you don’t integrate
Your ideas causing me to hate
Myself for my lack
Of plan to attack
Your complex mind. Your knack
For running away
Kills me day by day,
Leaving me breathless with nothing else to say.

When I read this to my class and my professor asked if it was true, I think I lied. It is partially true, but you're not the cruel person made out in this story. You leave me breathless though... and every time we actually do get close and every time I catch us talking in a somewhat flirty manner, I notice one of us tries to break away from it. Maybe the both of us need someone to fix what's broken inside of our hearts. For me, it's you, but for you.... it's someone else.

Idiot.

Though I feel happy right now, last night I couldn't help but feel like a complete IDIOT!
I missed you way too much. More than I have ever missed you before I believe. The last time I saw you, I just simply told you about the meteor shower that night and asked how you did on your AP Calculus exam.
The last time we talked over the phone was about a month or so ago. I asked you where you worked, you told me you were a drug dealer. I asked you if I baked cookies again, would you ever want some. You answered that you didn't really care and after a few moments, you said fine. That would have probably hurt my feelings if I weren't too happy talking to you.
The last time we actually had a conversation face to face was when I came to your house when you just barely woke up. You told me I was crazy for going over to someone's house without them knowing. I told you I tried calling you last night but you didn't pick up. I also told you that I called 10 minutes ago. Shiro wanted to play with your cat, Kitty. It was one of the happiest days of summer... until I saw Espiripoo and Shiro ran off after he and I got ice cream. Har har. The ice cream was good and Espiripoo is a good kid when he wants to be. Shiro running off scared me to near death though.

Anyways. I just miss you. I wanted to see you so badly yesterday, but when I thought I saw your sister's boyfriend skating with two people behind him, I got nervous. I thought one of them could be you. I thought I looked like a complete mes. I turned around and walked back only to realize a couple of steps later that I should have just kept walking. That I wouldn't have minded seeing you... even if you didn't stop to see me. A little too late, you were already across the street. I'm so bad at timing.
In the end, I went to your house anyway and hung out with your brother and little sister. Your twin sister was there, but we didn't talk much. Your mom is super sweet and that cake she gave me a slice of was delicious.

Yeah... that was probably the highlight of my day yesterday... and of course the hour long conversation with Kevin. I'm pretty sure we talked for like 3 or so hours yesterday.

There's a bug in my room. I should let it out or something.

This Century

Even though hardly anyone uses MySpace and I really only have one follower, I just thought I'd post this anyway.... just in case I have some secret stalker out there.

This Century upgraded their MySpace's look and man. It's lookin' good. Check it out if you haven't already. Just click on their name and you'll be directed to their MySpace. :D


p.s. Secret stalker, I'm on to you!!

Just had an hour and a half conversation with my best friend.
We talked about pretty much everything that was bothering the both of us (mainly me cause I'm the girl and I'm the one that apparently has the most problems... or something. Haha.)
We talked about....
-High school students and how some are just so ARG!!
-Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep
-Work
-Sleep
-College
-T.V
-GIRLS (and how some are just AHHHH!!!)
-And how I drifted off from one of my closest friends last year.

The last part was confusing and I wanted a guys point of view from it. Too much between me and that friend happened. By too much "things", I mean good times and then it got awkward. I'm not going to write what happened, but I'm going to put what Kevin said about it and my comment back because it was just too funny/weird/something else. :p

Kevin: "What?! He asked if you wanted to make-out?! What a jerk."
Me: "Yeah! I know. It was awkward. And I'm not even that type of girl to want to make out with someone who I don't have any feelings for. It's kind of just.... slutty."

Har har. My best friend is the best. <3

Effort

Try as I might, but I don't think I can forget you anytime soon.

No [college] guy would ever compare to you..... except for Joel, but I don't think I feel THAT way about him. Ha.

I miss you...
..... And I don't think there will ever be anyone who could replace the hole in my heart that is shaped in your somewhat perfect figure... not now at least, but maybe someday.... I hope.

My best friend the Chicagoist

Is one of the most amazing person I have ever met.
-Great listener
-Able to make me feel better (mentally and healthily and emotionally)
-Weirdo (like me)
-Strange sense of humor (like me again)
-Caring/Kind

Yeah. He's one truly amazing guy and that is why I love him (in a friend way of course). =]

To You, From Me

Trying to tell you how I feel should be no big deal, so what's keeping my lips seal[ed]? I call you a jerk when in reality I want to call you mine cause I know that with each passing day, I continue to fall for you deeper and deeper. Like falling into an ocean filled with your warmth and love, I know I won't ever surface but I know I wouldn't mind if someone were to shove me in.

Oh ha. That sounds like crap. I should just stop. lol

Didn't see you.

My heart skipped too many beats and I was possibly even blushing when your mom said you were coming to the door.
I quickly declined, said it was okay and left.
I'm such an idiot sometimes.

An item of importance

In my Sci 2 class, I'm being asked to bring an item of importance to me.
Crap. I'm probably screwed.
All the items important to me aren't exactly "items".

There's my best friend Kevin (of course) and I'm pretty sure he can't come with me to class seeing as how he has to be notified a week or two ahead and miss school and work to come...
Then there's Tuesdays which is a day and not an item... and if I could somehow bring it in, it'd be too embarrassing for me to explain (well not really).
Maybe my panda hat, but I don't really wear that anymore and it'd be a hassle to explain everything about it.... well maybe not but it's not super important and meaningful to me.
There's my DS which is where I first was able to talk to/meet some of my closest friends to date, but that sounds too cheesy and hard to explain.
And of course, there's my husband. My dearly beloved and the one who can make me smile no matter what. Sadly enough, my "husband" is a song and not an item.... well at least not a physical one.
Finally there's my Rubik's cube. My other dearly beloved. It holds way too many memories in it. Like when I first solved it and how it took me nearly 3 hours to do so and now it takes me about 2 or less minutes. Then there was the race Joel and I were suppose to have after the An Evening With The Maine show that never happened. Then there's that time I tried teaching my mom, sister, and brother to solve it which failed in the end. Ha. I love my Rubik's Cube.

Guess I can bring that... it'll be hard to explain it though.

Oh yeah. There's my guitar which I love so much but I haven't touched it or played it in forever. I have that feeling that my friend from middle school might bring it.... or someone will say, "Play us a song!" and I'd say, "No!" Ha. Yeah. That'll most likely happen...

I wonder how long it takes me to solve a Rubik's Cube now..........

p.s. I found that I hv the hardest time saying "no" when someone asks for help. Double crap.

You didn't call back....

So I'm going to assume you want to see/hang out with me as much as I do. ;p

The One I'm Waiting For...? =]

For the longest time, this song has been the story of my love life... well part of it at least. ;p



And in the end, I figured I'm just going to have to be patient even though the chances of you falling for me is slim to nada, but hey. A girl can dream, right?

TGIT

So glad I don't have classes on Friday. Now I can catch up on the sleep I so badly needed right after training tomorrow.

I guess I can somehow integrate my Asian American Studies and Psych papers in there somehow....

Schooool was way too long today but I got home just in time to watch Modern Family and Cougar Town! Whoo!!

Anyways, when I got home my dad simply assumed that I was at work OR I was out with someone. He basically told me not to do that again.
Really now? I'm 18 and I got home BEFORE 9pm. When I was 17, some of my friends would be out at like 10 or 12 or so! Not fair how my parents still treat me like I'm 12. Geez.....

I have too much homework to complain right now, but seriously... BLARGH!!!!! D:<

My friend Eric the Bear.

Yeah... I suck at photoshop but he insists that it's good. (lolz at different skin color)

Sometimes I'm such a girl...

Nothing real has been going on in my life as of late. Well nothing exciting.

I miss some of my friends from high school and the crappy thing of it all is that we don't even talk or if we do, it's just a few lines. Maybe that's just the "crew" I hang out with, but man. It sucks. Not ballin at all.

Yesterday my friend Julian (well through Jessica...) asked me if she could draw me for her art final which made me feel not as ugly as I think I am. Actually, I don't think I'm ugly, I just think I'm not pretty.
Anyways. When I told Julian (again, through Jessica) that I'm not even pretty, the guy I was tutoring told me to "have a little more confidence." This got me thinking.
Can you have confidence but still think you're not attractive?
I certainly think so because I'm quite sure I'm a confident person. I'm not even all that insecure, surprisingly. I know there are thousands of people who are way prettier than I'd ever be and I'm absolutely okay with that, but sometimes when I look in the mirror, I just don't think I'm pretty. Why? Well I guess it might be a girl thing... or just a me thing. I think that if a girl is told that she is "pretty" by someone she loves/admires deeply, she'll believe it with all her heart unless if that person breaks her heart or something of that nature happens. But how am I suppose to know? I'm just a silly weird 18 year old girl.

Also, I'm starting to think that there really is no remedy for love but to love more. More? Seriously? Seriously.
The reason behind this thought is because of my high school crush who, sadly enough, I still feel completely head over heels for.
Over the summer I thought I was over him and when I saw him again I didn't really feel that thump in my heart or whatever. Or so I thought. The next day or so, I kept thinking about him. All of the moments we had, no matter how small they were, made me smile and then would make me feel a tinge of sadness at the end. Maybe it's because I wish there were more moments that we shared together or maybe I wish there was more to us than just "friends." Whatever the case, I know that I wouldn't mind spending one whole day with him doing absolutely nothing with him (though he probably wouldn't enjoy it all that much!).

Tangled

So my friend Jessica Ngo convinced me into making a blog (or blag as my best friend Kevin says) and well this is my first post.... and since I don't really feel like transitioning into the next post, I'll just end it and put a quote that someone on Twitter said. :O

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde