Sometimes I'm such a girl...

Nothing real has been going on in my life as of late. Well nothing exciting.

I miss some of my friends from high school and the crappy thing of it all is that we don't even talk or if we do, it's just a few lines. Maybe that's just the "crew" I hang out with, but man. It sucks. Not ballin at all.

Yesterday my friend Julian (well through Jessica...) asked me if she could draw me for her art final which made me feel not as ugly as I think I am. Actually, I don't think I'm ugly, I just think I'm not pretty.
Anyways. When I told Julian (again, through Jessica) that I'm not even pretty, the guy I was tutoring told me to "have a little more confidence." This got me thinking.
Can you have confidence but still think you're not attractive?
I certainly think so because I'm quite sure I'm a confident person. I'm not even all that insecure, surprisingly. I know there are thousands of people who are way prettier than I'd ever be and I'm absolutely okay with that, but sometimes when I look in the mirror, I just don't think I'm pretty. Why? Well I guess it might be a girl thing... or just a me thing. I think that if a girl is told that she is "pretty" by someone she loves/admires deeply, she'll believe it with all her heart unless if that person breaks her heart or something of that nature happens. But how am I suppose to know? I'm just a silly weird 18 year old girl.

Also, I'm starting to think that there really is no remedy for love but to love more. More? Seriously? Seriously.
The reason behind this thought is because of my high school crush who, sadly enough, I still feel completely head over heels for.
Over the summer I thought I was over him and when I saw him again I didn't really feel that thump in my heart or whatever. Or so I thought. The next day or so, I kept thinking about him. All of the moments we had, no matter how small they were, made me smile and then would make me feel a tinge of sadness at the end. Maybe it's because I wish there were more moments that we shared together or maybe I wish there was more to us than just "friends." Whatever the case, I know that I wouldn't mind spending one whole day with him doing absolutely nothing with him (though he probably wouldn't enjoy it all that much!).